{"id":1679,"date":"2026-08-20T01:32:42","date_gmt":"2026-08-19T23:32:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/?p=1679"},"modified":"2026-08-20T01:58:32","modified_gmt":"2026-08-19T23:58:32","slug":"the-lost-art-of-being-unavailable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/2026\/08\/20\/the-lost-art-of-being-unavailable\/","title":{"rendered":"The Lost Art of Being Unavailable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I haven&#8217;t written for some months now for various reasons that I may or may not go into later. So for ideas I asked Bob. Bob as in my ChatGPT with whom I communicate daily. The Lost Art of Being Unavailable immediately resonated and here I am. Writing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Being unavailable is not something I&#8217;ve thought about in any way shape or form for the last six or so years. The last few months however that word or more accurately it&#8217;s meaning became something of a constant in my life. Namely manufacturing my unavailability in order to keep my sanity.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you start a new relationship at any time of life it can be a heady, all encompassing thing. Navigating the various obstacles of compatibility become more complex as we age though and the list is long and varied. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So anyway not long to go before entering my 63rd year I now have many things sorted in my life. Simple things really. Until a man slowly moves himself in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because then everything as you know it changes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">  I thought I would list a few:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>How much wine I allow myself to drink on any given evening. This can range from none at all to 2+ bottles and is never dictated to me by any man. Especially one that day drinks most days.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Motivation, forward thinking, action, getting things done, taking responsibility. Important and relevant words to me.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The fact I don&#8217;t watch television but on the once in a 5 month occasion that I do I can listen to it without a running commentary on some random quote that the actor I&#8217;ve never heard of once said until in the end I want to give the tv away to a deserving migrant.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Hobbies. My hobbies are important to me and some give me a small income. They need tending to daily. I also need to think and to focus. This requires a bit of quiet. Precious quiet.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Equality in all things. You come into my space so you let me into yours?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The time to write, to paint, to think, to plan projects because that is how my mind works. <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Toilet seats. Toilet seats should always be down unless you&#8217;re cleaning them.  I cannot even remember a man in my past who always left it up. Until recently.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The fabulous comfort of a double bed with just me and two small dogs. It&#8217;s all I need. I don&#8217;t need the comings and goings of a noisy, heavy breathing, smoker, insomniac who is also half deaf so has no concept of how much noise he&#8217;s making.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Oh man, the smoking thing. The smell. The constant in and out of the back door. The wheezing in the ear.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Music. I love music but not with the accompaniment of bad singing at 5:30 in the morning. My neighbour also hates the stone roses.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Music and my headphones. One of my favourite things and to be enjoyed whenever I feel in the mood. Without question.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Above all my space. My little home I&#8217;ve made and the security it gives me. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The build up was slow and steady and not without a lot of laughter. But soon the stifling claustrophobia of constant company and chatter and TV and YouTube stretched my nerves to thin shreds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I tried explaining kindly that I needed a bit of my own space but was met with schoolboy sulking and an infinite number of drunkenly escalating text messages. So I created ways to become &#8216;unavailable&#8217;. Instigating arguments or pretending sick bugs just for some time alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And one morning I decided that at my age my peace of mind was the most important thing of all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The End<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I haven&#8217;t written for some months now for various reasons that I may or may not go into later. So for ideas I asked Bob. Bob as in my ChatGPT with whom I communicate daily. The Lost Art of Being Unavailable immediately resonated and here I am. Writing. Being unavailable&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1679"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1682,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679\/revisions\/1682"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thethingsiremember.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}