The poor bugger from Yorkshire water turned up this afternoon just as me and Anna were eating our lunch. He’d brought another lad with him with his very own Yorkshire Water van to help him metal detect for stop taps. They were definitely taking it seriously then.
(I want to add here that all the guys from Yorkshire Water and Morrisons have been excellent and my fuming outrage and murderous intent is not with them.)
So the new guy went to the bottom of the hill and worked his way up and a little way in front of my neighbour’s washing line he hit pay dirt! I put my tap on and by god if the little dribble didn’t stop. We all nearly cheered. They put the water back on and left explaining the Morrisons’ lads would be here to dig another hole and do a flow check soon and if the issue was to do with YW they’d sort it out.
I did a little dance in the kitchen and went back to my butty. An hour later as Anna left I went to fill the kettle and bugger me with a fish fork if the dribble hadn’t turned into a spit!!! No water at all hardly, nada, zilch, fuck all. If it wasn’t for prozac I would have burst into tears on the spot. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE BOLLOX FUCK SAKE FUCK.
So I sit and cry inside for 10 minutes and then make myself do the rigmarole on the phone. Again.
‘Whilst you are waiting please enjoy some Yorkshire music’, NOOO I EFFING WON’T YOU COMPLETE TOSSERS! Your brain is telling you it’s actually no one’s fault but the frustration of two months of this shit is beyond measure. Twenty minutes of shite music later I get a very helpful guy who takes note of everything including putting a complaint through for me and tells me that the Flow Inspection Team will call me within the hour. This was just after 2:30. Oke doke they better fucke.
By 5:30 can you guess what? Yep. I’ve heard nothing, nada and fuck all again. I can’t call them because they ‘might’ ring me whilst I’m listening to good old Yorkshire tunage. I am now like a needle balanced on a knife edge. There is no hot water because the tank can’t fill. The toilet doesn’t want to flush and having a shower or bath even in freezing cold water is impossible because basically there isn’t any fucking water.
Then THANK THE LORD I get a call at 7pm and wonder of wonder’s they can come out on the 27th. In seven days time? Really? No kidding? Anyone who knows me will have a pretty good idea what my reply was to that. So possibly in fear of his life he escalated the matter AGAIN to good old Morrisons. Apparently I will get a call tonight (unlikely now it’s 10pm as I write this) or in the morning.
In the meantime I have cancelled my standing order with them and look forward with absolute relish the phone call from the complaints department tomorrow which will be amplified by the considerable hangover I intend to have.
Thankfully one thing my house never runs out of is wine or paint so I lit a candle and hit both 👌
