I’m getting tired again. Deep in my bones and a little in my soul too.
I’m tired of the constant rounds of blood tests and mri’s. Worrying about results. Next week it’s a biopsy of my pancreatic cyst that continues to grow slowly but surely towards cancer or removal. A major operation more serious than having half my bowel removed. I’m so tired after plenty of sleep I’m napping on the sofa after a simple dog walk to be woken by the hospital telling me my specialist wants me in for the endoscopic ultrasound in 5 days not the 14 already arranged. And so it begins again. The stress and the worry.
It’s not in my nature to sit about or to seek the way of immediate satisfaction whatever the consequences. I like plans and goals and little achievements on the way. I work ceaselessly and hard on the things I need to do and am rewarded well. I’ve never been that interested in the joy of fleeting holidays but more in making my everyday life enjoyable. Living in the present. Planning for the future and the now.
But I’m tired. So bloody tired…
